It’s hard to tell. Apparently they’re people we would have known from Uni for 3 years, so as much as it is a frightening prospect, it’s also figuring out who the hell has betrayed her and us.
Do as all women security campaigns say
Call police and don’t let anyone threaten you otherwise.
Just going to say here, I’m no longer going to post on these forums and I’m leaving any Mafia related discord servers.
So yeah, enjoy my permanent leave. It’s my time to move on with life.
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Y’all we’re fucked
We now have two blond racist mugwumps in control of two of the most powerful countries in the world
How do people hit stopped cars, cause honestly I dont think it’s to hard to drive. Was stopped at a light, lady behind us trys to merge left but instead hits our car. Luckily no injury no damage to either vehicle. But jebus people are so hecking dumb when it comes to metal balls of death on wheels
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Longass vent. Or at least it looks longass on mobile.
I find it hilarious how I gave advice knowing it to be effective yet didn’t follow it myself.
So as I had this harsh realization trying to sleep I must compromise with myself someplace other than my mind so I will stop trying to negotiate with myself and remember my feelings now when reading those words.
I knew it existed, it hatched on me already anteceded by other minor issues yet violently last year, and I almost cried for help if I didn’t convince myself that I could live a bit little longer without taking action.
It lives within me reappearing at any minor reason to get preoccupied. Always in different forms as I endure and conquer the older one.
It ironically, as a side effect, helps me in biology. I know in milimetrical detail all hazards I worried about. And I always tell myself after an episode that it could be worse. I could still fear an apocalypse as I did when I was younger. I feared dying in some months instead of some days, which overall is better since each time I worry with my hypocondria, most things take pretty much less time to manifest or to evolve enough to kill you, leading to less distressed time.
Yet this shorter timespan made me realize now how miserable this condition is and what damage it has caused to me. Also a random of those “internet mom” images on daily simple checklists such as taking meds and etc because I epiphanied on one of them when I have noticed that whilst nowadays I didn’t check most of the boxes almost all days on the week, younger me thought it was so weird for someone not to do the basic stuff - how one wouldn’t change into clean clothes or brush their teeth?
I thought I was mildly depressed and maybe I am. However I can see how this condition has been the cause for all my complains about myself in the last two years. Because I don’t see meaning on studying, on going out one time a week (joined a rpg group at LGS to force myself to do at least that) so at least I won’t spend all my time on the computer in a bedroom within an empty house with the front door locked, I don’t see meaning to start learning something or to get back into reading or to wash my clothes, the dishes, to put things back into the fridge, to wipe the floor even if hasn’t been wiped in five months, if I think I am always going to die soon.
I hope it was enough to suffice me evidence that I can’t beat it alone. For the time runs by I assimilate myself with new conditions and only realize how deep I have sinked in until I write about myself as if I was a stranger.
And always when I think on how I thought about it in the past I handwave the problem as if I could solve it alone, not stopping by a moment to think I have failed all attempts so far. And then I fall, over and over and over and over again.
Two years ago I thought that those random moments where I simply kind of stopped feeling for some minutes were awful. Now I had one of them and only thought on how blessed it was because at least I was not in fear.
The next time my sister comes here, I will tell her I need a psychologist. Not like she can do anything but having a sister bounding time and convince me to reach it out to my mother, but talking that to someone irl is a more solid step towards it.
And stopping to think about that I will really need some encouragement to talk about wanting a psychologist to my mother even if it is on text because our relationship with each other has another level of awfulness. Last discussion I finally had the courage to say that I would be ugly if I felt comfortable with myself if ugly was not following the bigotry she enforces on my body.
Sister treats me like a child but has recently adopted some of those must-always-be-kind-and-supportive mantras and is pretty much the nicest member in the entire family now so I could say something like that.
Tldr merc is hypocondriac and needs brain doc and also mommyrants because kicking the conservative Gen X is always a fucking bliss to anyone’s soul because unlike my “should I ask for help or not” kicking boomers is something my heart and logics have always agreed upon
Sorry for bleeding the mom stuff here when I was talking agreed about something different but at least it helps to divert my mind for some minutes from the usual doomsday selfgaslighting.
I am growing too tired of not being able to sleep due to the sound of my own heartbeat and knowing scary rare disease shit better than any other biology grade.
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god i honestly feel so apathetic towards my schoolwork. This is the year i need to try hard in and here i am not doing any of the work til 23:00. I am such a lazy shit and i fucking hate it
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Don’t bash yourself for factors that you yourself need to improve on imo. That really only makes working on things harder.
I would try to resolve the problems that cause the schoolwork to drag on for so long.
It’s worked for me personally so far.
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I feel like during summer I get bored and wish school would start then school just fucks me over
I am so pissed that I need to go to the store JUST for milk. I have literally everything else, but I need my cereal in the morning.
These are the true dilemma’s of life.
The store also closes in 32 minutes and it takes me 15 minutes to get there, biking… in a heatwave.
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You’re suggesting
I eat cereal
DRY
and I don’t get
The lovely sweet
Cereal milk?
We can’t be friends
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