its not necessarily a comment directed towards you as much as it is an evaluation of america as a whole
we (the country) have a mental health problem
So what I have smarter and more successful freinds
But I’m content enough with myself cuz Im still doing fine even when I’m not great compared to them
Like if you just compared yourself to others all the time you will never be content
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Also, being drunk while contemplating negative things in life isn’t a good idea. I think that’d motivate you to get even more drunk
I also worked with musicians who have millions of YT subscribers by now.
I also worked with person whio invented how to deliver a cancer medications directly to infected cels.
If it was once… fine, I was not meant to be famous, sure.
But it’s more than once.
Combine it with my family where I am just a side branch to billion-worth companies inheritance and it comes of that… I’m just a backgroudn to whatever I do.
Research? Background.
Creative? Background.
Buisness? Background.
I’m kinda sick of being a background.
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I don’t like alcohol for those type of reasons… I’ve had terrible experiences with alcohol
I mean, those are thoughts which I just deny from entering my mind on daily basis, yeah.
I avoid drinking cause I start thinking about those.
But on the other hand, I would finally want ot know… what am I doing wrong?
I mean… my life is far from being quiet.
I’m double survivor. Computer security and data analysis expert. Sure.
I even was qualified as polish army top computer security unit in case of war, cool.
But right now, I’m still sitting here, working a daily job, doing a daily life, when I could reach much more, like those many people I know.
Maybe I know too much of worldwide-known people.
I mean, my main life philosophy is that the more contacts you have, the more succesful you are.
Like I even do have contacts to polish/german presidents via certain connections.
But… me myself… I feel that I’m underperforming.
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My life philosophy that contacts equal succes/power comes from that if not connections to certain… people, I would be already dead. To cancer actually.
Like from 12 people who were threated from this cancer type… I’m the only one alive. Mostly due to getting priority to some medications and healthcare.
Talk about more pressure and lack of corruption in europe.
When you are one in 12 to survive… you start to question yourself… why was it you.
More pressure on myself, yay
survivors guilt is an awful thing
i’ve been through it to a lesser extent
i feel for you there
Back in time I was given 3% chance to survive, out of which… 90% was that I would be sitting on wheelchair for rest of my life.
Guess what, I’m walking healthy among the normal society.
Talk about miracles.
I mean connect this with my family always saying “We spent so much resources on you, don’t disappoint us” every time I’m about to do something hard / fail something and you can imagine the ammount of pressure on me.
I mean… they want only good for me, I’m aware of it.
They can do way more than average family and they do for me. I’m aware of it.
Even if it means using connections, bribes, whatever.
They don’t even hide with this, like wtf.
It keeps me going and do way more than avarge person would. Sure.
But it also keeps me asking myself if I couldn’t do better, even if I did everything I could.
… Vicious cycle if you ask me.
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…… Well geez, now I feel bad that I’ve never really gone through anything life-threatening
Oh great, now I’m getting all depressed. This is why this should be in the venting thread. I’m sorry if I’m being offensive or rude, but this is really not a good mindset to be in
you shouldn’t feel bad for not going through something life threatening, it’s not a requirement for anything 
and i don’t think it’s that common
but i can see why you want this in the venting thread now, someone yeet drunk eevee over there
I mean, don’t worry.
I will just keep being me.
Also screw friend for asking me out to the pub. I hate dirnking cause it reminds me of all this stuff.
Screw friends.
Really.