54321st Poster gets a cookie - mods are cute

https://ogn.theonion.com/tragic-the-man-who-tried-to-bring-attention-to-the-cri-1839256083

This brought tears to my eyes

https://www.theonion.com/god-answers-prayers-of-paralyzed-little-boy-1819564974

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It’s fantastic this one

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“One of my favorite parts of past games has always been starting out in my house and having a few locals knock on my door to inform me that they had committed Tier I offenses of sexual deviancy and reside at such-and-such address,” said Minneapolis Pokémon fan Jessica Winesberg, one of thousands of fans who have voiced their outrage that the new release would also be stripped of iconic features such as the “Pedophile Free Zone” signs around in-game schools, libraries, and public parks

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That’s even better than, “Cyberbullying Alert: Gamers Are Ganging Up To Harass This Defenseless Chinese Communist Party Leader”

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The onion is a goldmine

https://entertainment.theonion.com/unbeatable-jeopardy-champ-says-key-to-success-is-thr-1834422288

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“You’re not getting out of here, Jimmy!”

chases him around stage screaming random fun facts

https://www.theonion.com/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule-1819566178

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image

“My approach is pretty simple: I wait until a few seconds before a new round starts, get the other players’ attention, and tell them I’ll bash in their goddamn skulls if I don’t win,”

Holzhauer added that he believed his strategy to be more effective than that of fellow Jeopardy! legend Ken Jennings, who has said the key to his success was holding a gun to his head before the Final Jeopardy! round and threatening to blow his brains out if he didn’t win.

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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theonion.com/report-god-directly-communicating-with-you-through-thi-1825206273/amp

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MAAMMAAAAAA

JUST KILLED A MAN

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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theonion.com/popular-new-amazon-service-just-comes-to-your-house-and-1819917496/amp

Its super easy to read him!

As long as he hasn’t changed since March 2018 that is

damnit arete this actually tricked me.

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also @Ami could i be added to black flag scumchat?

I heard it wasn’t used much but i still wanna see it.

lmao sure one sec

LMAO