Cuil Theory and it's importance to the game of Mafia

One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a Hamburger.

1 Cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.

2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don’t really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.

3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.

4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.

5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children’s laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.


i think this is a very important addition to our meta that should be considered IMMEDIATELY
and then cuiled out of its mind.

4 Likes

Yes

1 Like

1 cuil - No
2 cuils - No u
3 cuils - Yesn’t Brother
4 cuils - Yesn’t I Understand My Brother
5 cuils - Must I Understand My Wolf
6 cuils - Mustn’t I Misunderstand My Village

3 Likes

Can I flag this as spam

We don’t talk about 7 Cuil

1 Like

Eh I did it

#off-topic :laughing:

What are you talking about? This is super important for FM

What
The
Hell
Is
This

3 Likes

Wdym this is obviously a game

/Join

2 Likes

fun fact: the title has a cuil value of 0.5

this is obviously a shitpost by the way but honestly I really felt like it

my calculations seem to indicate that Forum Mafia is 4‽ from real life. By increasing the abstraction we may be able to create a comprehensible 7‽

1 Like

I see you are using 3 Cuils as you say this

the interrobang is the established symbol for a cuil btw.
the real question is the technique of high-cuil wolfhunting, which can find the wolves easily at 6‽ but has the issue of requiring advanced cuil multiplications.

perhaps the technique could be adapted to be usable at a more reasonable cuil integer or factor?

1 Like

What
The
Flipping
Hell
Is
This
Thread

1 Like

a thread discussiing the mechanics of cuil theory and how it can be applied to Forum Mafia
at least, that’s what it is at 0‽

2 Likes

Is there something I’m missing

I don’t get why you are confused. It makes perfect sense

you are missing nothing that cannot be fixed simply by changing your brain’s cuil coefficient

I’m going to nod like I understand when in reality I have absolutely have no idea

nods head up and down

2 Likes