Emotional stress in Fol/FM

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#121

Although I think a lot of us are on the same page here, I do want to take a second to express that I think there is such thing as trying to clamp down on this kind of stuff too hard.

Way back in the day, I was publicly taken to task by the forum moderators over a game in which I was extremely frustrated that a player was continuously siding with a player that was incredibly obvious scum for what was basically no more reason than them liking that person. I was busy tearing apart their entire stance on the game as a whole when a few of the descriptions I used of their play apparently struck a personal nerve in a way I would have never seen coming, and so these two players had the mods run a public trial in which I was forced to defend myself in front of the entire ToL Discord for things I could have never known would be nearly as insulting as they were.

At the end of the day, Xblade heard what was going on, dropped all charges, and we moved on (and boy was I pissed when that player was indeed scum the whole time), but I don’t want anybody else to ever have to go through anything similar to that.

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#122

yes the issue is we can’t always jump around peoples feelings.

to a point to a extent at some point it can ruin valid game strategies if you try to avoid every and every single way of hurting someone and still you may end up hurting someone, the truth is some players simply cannot handle the stress and should be warned Whats the whole point of this thread if there isn’t a level of players getting stressed and not being able to handle games.

#123

I had one game here a few months ago, where a person particulary tried to make me feel terrible irl on purpose and admitted to it. (Cause they were scum and I was BD and this was “a strat”.)
That was not fun.

#124

That’s being toxic and should be warned/banned

#125

That edit completely changed my view on this

#126

Tol?

#127

Wait you meant here

#128

No, FoL of course.
In the end they got their punishment, even when it was difficult to accomplish (against the will of the fol mod team of course, this was one of the reasons why I decided it would be necessary to learn hosting to step up as fol mod). But they are young, and I think they learned their lesson.

#129

We do need to be willing to take a commitment to improve as an apology and trust others mean best.

It helps nobody to assume the worst of others.

#130

No. They learned to be better. But way afterwards…

#131

for some reason I felt like this was directed at me even though I don’t remember any of the sort happening

#132

Sure, but you can certainly make an effort. Like I said initially, heated arguments are bound to happen. But holding yourself back even a little bit can prevent a huge chain reaction of toxicity.

I’m not doubting you, but can you elaborate on this?

Chances are, if you try to avoid hurting someone but still hurt them, you would have hurt them more if you didn’t try to avoid it. But yes, some people are softer than others.

Sure, if you consistently can’t handle the stress of a forum game you should probably avoid it. I don’t know about warning someone for having thinner skin, though.

I do hope this is not one of those “strategies” you were talking about, Soul.

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#133

It wasn’t you, dw. But I don’t want to bring up the name.

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#134

And, regardless of how long it takes, I will always advocate for not holding a grudge once someone comes around.

That’s all I’m saying - we should trust that when people say they’ll try to be better, they mean it from the heart.

#135

Why do you think they would have apologized or promised something like that :thinking:

#136

I’m saying a commitment to do better is better than an apology, regardless of how late it may be.

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#137

Who is that

#138

Going back to the topic of turbos, I don’t think there’s time for toxicity during those types of games which make them more enjoyable, at least for some people

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#139

Well, technically it’s not fun if people are policy lynching you each turbo, but 1. that’s long ago, and 2. that’s not really toxic or so, it’s just annoying and the solution was to just not play with these people

#140

Qui accusare volunt, probationes habere debent

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