How the Paladin smites someone
Cult Leader walking down the hallway to someone’s room: grinning evilly with red magic swirling around his hand Yeeees… It is that time again. Time to get another loyal minion from these poor blue dragon members…
Paladin walks around the corner
Paladin: Hello sir! How are you this fine evening?
Cult Leader hides his magic and immediately adopts an innocent face
Cult Leader: I’m very fine good Paladin! How goes the finding of these cultists?
Paladin shaking head: Not very good I’m afraid. I have not found any trace of those heretics Cult Leader twitches
Paladin looks closely at the Cult Leader
Paladin: You know, you really love the color red. Your robes are red, you have red tattoos, even your eyes are red.
Cult Leader starts sweating
Paladin: Nah. I’m sure you’re fine. Anyway, let’s talk about the cult shall we? Maybe you could give me some tips on finding them?
Cult Leader: … … … Okay?
Paladin: Right, so. Let’s start with the philosophy of the cult. From my travels, I learnt that the cult worships Corax and Mithras right?
Cult Leader: That is indeed correct. They also-
Paladin: But why though? Why worship such weak, inconsistent and ungrateful deities (if they even exist)?
Cult Leader angry: Why you! The two gods are-
Paladin: But if you think about it, it makes sense. Mithras is the blood god, and Corax is the darkness god. Darkness is a primordial aspect, and blood is in every living thing in one form or another. The word “god” implies that the entity we are talking about has full control over their domain. So if Mithras is the blood god, it logically follows that they would have control over all living beings, because all living beings have some form of blood. Similarly, Corax should also have complete control over the darkness, meaning that he would have control over at least half the world.
Cult Leader: That’s very interesting and all… But what does that have anything to do with the cult?
Paladin: I’m getting there. You see, because these two “gods” have control over such powerful domains, why would they need cultists to carry out their will? If they are so powerful, why not do things themselves? And if they exist, why have they not revealed themselves? This leads to the conclusion that these two gods are in fact very weak or boasting their abilities out or proportion.
Cult Leader: NO NO!! THAT IS HERESY!! It is because we’re not worthy enough to gaze upon their glory and because we have to prove ourselves to them.
Paladin: That may explain as to why they have not revealed themselves, but that doesn’t explain why they need cultists or why they don’t do things themselves. Got any explanation for that my high IQ friend?
Cult Leader: …
Paladin: puts down sword and sits in a chair Now we get into the functioning of the cult. Firstly, we must ask, why can the cult only have 4 members at a time? We have already established that Corax and Mithras are in fact weaklings Cult Leader twitches violently, so what can they do to increase their strength? Simple! They need followers! But if they need followers, why can the cult only have 4 members at a time?
Cult Leader: Because we need to sacrifice members to the gods in order to give them strength!
Paladin: Ahhhh. But you didn’t answer my question. I asked WHY can they only have 4 at a time? And furthermore, what you said confirms my theory. You said that you need to sacrifice members to give them strength right? That means you are admitting that they are weak.
Cult Leader: NO! No no nonononono. They are NOT WEAK! We just need lots of sacrifices, that’s all!
Paladin: You are just reinforcing my point. If Mithras and Corax need so many sacrifices, why is the cult capped at 4 members? Wouldn’t it be better to have more than 4 so you can perform more sacrifices? Odd don’t you agree? They need so many sacrifices, as you have confirmed, yet the cult can only have 4 members at a time. Hence, that is why they are paradoxical, inconsistent and feeble.
Cult Leader: … … …
Paladin: Then that brings me to my last point. Because they are so weak and contradictory Cult Leader is visibly trembling, they should be more than grateful that such people are following them! They should bestow far greater powers upon their followers, particularly since there are so little of them! But nooooo. Instead, all the members have limited use abilities, even their leader’s eradicate is limited! I understand the need to kill non-believers, since the Inquisitor was my neighbor, but there must be thousands, if not millions of people out there who have never heard of Mithras/Corax! Their leader only has 3 uses, each only being able to kill 2 people? How will they deal with the entire world out there then? Particularly since they can only have 4 members at a time!
Cult Leader stuttering: We… We…
Paladin ranting: Furthermore they must kill their own loyal followers in order to gain more charges! We already know that the human body contains a vast amount of energy, and yet the leader will only get TWO charges from killing their own member?? Mithras must sure be a miser then, only giving their devoted follower TWO more charges for killing another one of their own followers!! PATHETIC!!
Cult Leader: P-Ple-Please stop… I-I don’t think I can take this…
Paladin ranting: Those gods should be far more grateful! These cultists are committing treason against the crown, and yet they help so little! There are so little followers, so they should at least gain detection and death immunity to protect their small numbers! But NOOO! They don’t gain anything!!! Those two demand such high sacrifices and for what? A measly two eradicates??? What a bunch of scammers!
Cult Leader sobbing and kneeling on the ground: no… NO… It can’t be true…
Paladin: YOU SEE??? Even you have admitted it my dear Cult Leader! You have seen the truth of the cult! They are a bunch of deluded acolytes that do nothing but waste their time worshipping such pathetic gods!
Cult Leader: I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! runs into the paladin’s sword
Paladin: Ahhhh… Another one destroyed by facts and logic… Hehehehe. They don’t call me Ben Shapiro for nothing.
