The Monkey's Paw

Off-Topic (Thronepass)
#402

Granted. Your Anti-Rain Device is broken beyond repair.

I wish school wasn’t boring.

#403

A glorious way to die.

Granted. You are handed a gun and thrust into the zombie Apocalypse for class. It’s not a very good gun and your odds of survival are almost zero.

I wish school was actually just a cat.

#404

Schools worldwide are cats. No schools can be build or they become cats. Houses of homeschoolers are cats. World is doomed.
I wish there was free food everywhere.

#405

Granted. Specifically, it’s free buttered popcorn-flavored jelly beans.

I wish there were a place to roller skate on campus.

1 Like
#406

granted. Your room is now where every roller skater on campus goes to roller skate. It’s not any bigger.

i wish for $100 in money perfectly valid to buy things with directly into my bank account

#407

Granted. Your bank account now has $108 dollars

I wish for Kentucky fried chicken

#408

Granted, your chicken is fried entirely with the whole state of Kentucky

I wish for a good Japanese rhythm game on a modern portable computer that’s been translated in 100% correct English and has controls that are fair, accurate to the songs involved, and that it is NOT boring and not too easy

#409

Granted, but it’s VR and only works with the highest quality headsets that are far out of your price range.

I wish I could have more pizza.

#410

granted, but you have to buy it first

I wish for lactose-free milk

2 Likes
#411

Granted. It’s disgusting.

I wish I could be a tree.

#412

im p good at granting wishes but im bad at making them

3 Likes
#413

Granted. But a fire started next to you and it scorched you, so you are now ash instead.

I wish that lag didn’t exist.

#414

Granted. The only way to truly remove lag is to eliminate the internet itself.
I wish that I could have the ability to, whenever I felt like it, load files of any file size to this site

#415

see i would have answered it as “granted. you become a bonsai tree, kept indoors, never to see the outside world again”

“granted. people really just react that slowly”

#416

i just got a plan.

granted. you can, but the site gets overwhelmed whenever anyone else tries to load them, crashing the page for them instantly.

i wish somebody would tell me the correct answer to the following problem without intentionally looking up a solution or any information or tools that could help one get there:

Im building a fence that will be attached to my house on one side (the side its attached doesnt use any fence). if i have 73 feet worth of fence material, what is the largest area that can be encompassed by the fence, in square feet?

1 Like
#417

Granted, it’s 666.125, however as a calculator is a tool it’s possible that I failed the “correct” stipulation due to any number of silly arithmetic errors and as a pencil is a tool one could make the argument that I failed the “tools” one as well.

I wish that Simon would tell me if that’s the right answer.

54321st Poster gets a cookie - mods are cute
#418

Granted, but it might take him awhile to get back to you on that.

I wish painting things red made them faster.

#419

Granted. It is one specific shade of red that is impossible to produce, though.
I wish I passed at my uni

#420

Granted. You have now passed uniform. Congratulations.
I wish I had infinite amounts of strawberry ice-cream.

1 Like
#421

Granted, but because it is so much most of it melts before you can eat it.

I wish i had a glass of water