Best/Worst Forum Mafia Quotes

[Firekitten]

@orangeandblack5

you don’t even understand who you’re fucking dealing with. I have advanced degrees in statistics and computer science and I’ve created a simple program with an advanced algorithm that I’ve been working on for years. I have read and tracked over 600 forum mafia games, recording every fencesit, every association, every scumtell. I have over 50 documented, specific forms and versions of scumtells and towntells, and at this point I can just skim a thread and put it into my machine. I have reduced the cacophonous lies of forum mafia into a pure, beautiful mathematical formula, and it’s led me to literal hundreds of wins.

Why do I think you’re scum? I don’t deign to think about you myself. Instead, I thought about how to create a program to know mathematically whether you are scum. I don’t need to think about you, because my algorithm has determined that you’re scum to an 87% certainty. You cannot beat those numbers at this stage in the game. We’re talking about a mere 13% chance that you’re a town member so monumentally bad at this game that you fooled a computer program that has successfully identified over 500 unique mafia players as scum with over 96% accuracy. Your only defense, in other words, is that you are so naturally scummy that you are an outlier.

Whether you’re town or mafia, this is a message from mathematics – you are bad at this game. You have played so scummy that a perfectly objective process has labeled you as scum. Whether that makes you bad at playing your specific rolecard or bad in general, there is no question that behaving like scum means you have not performed well. Consider this a welcome wakeup call, as hundreds have before you: If a player decides you’re scum, it’s possible you just got unlucky, but if a computer program can be that certain of your alignment, there are some serious holes in your game, because it means you’re scum in an objective sense, rather than a subjective one. For that reason, I’m willing to roll that die and take that 13% risk, because even if there’s a small chance you might be town, there’s not even a remote chance that you’re good

like this one

[orangeandblack5]

Hey stop keep that one hidden

[Emilia]

So that’s why you’re good player

[Firekitten]

It’s a meme

[Marcus_Doodalee]

@bazingaboy

After much deliberation I am disappointed to proclaim that this game was designed solely to grief me with no chance of town winning. I can provide evidence

Freaking Baz

[PoisonedSquid]

@Icibalus

I would like to give congratulations to all players on both sides in this game! We saw some truly excellent plays from both the villagers and the wolves that need some serious attention.

@PoisonedSquid was undoubtedly wolf MVP. By posting Dangling Granpas she managed to both destabalise the thread while maintining hidden, and seriously damaged the village’s morale by spoiling people who haven’t played Danganronpa who hover over the images.

@Geyde and @Firekitten deserve an honourable mention for some truly spectacular PR hunting about halfway through the game; they nearly figured out the villagers’ entire setup before they were outed.

@WazzaAzza was some serious competition for the wolves, though. He managed to organise the villagers by revealing several FPSs such as dishonest hosting, endgame spoilers, plus some spectacular villagering overall.

I would also give special thanks to the group of 3 villagers who pushed Margaret into canning the game. By getting the game canned, they allowed a no contest to be declared, and using the village’s superior voting numbers they managed to make the no contest count as a village win! This was a striking FPS that totally changes the game when it comes to angleshooting. Hopefully, we’ll see more of this kind of play later on.

@Hippolytus was village MVP.

Once again, congratulations! I expect several Scummies nominations to come from this game, along with a seismic shift in meta, and I will be submitting my next champs vote based on the incredible skill levels demonstrated throughout this tense, thrilling and close game.

It was an honor to be the wolf MVP

[Emilia]

@Solic

Can make it 2 BD and 1 cult/unseen?

[Solic]

I then proceed to argue a lot, why it’s not a good idea, but at least that would improve the angle slightly.

I need context.

[NuclearBurrito]

Jokes on him. I’ve designed a computer program that writes lines that specifically trick HIS computer program into thinking I’m town

[NuclearBurrito]

It works by just reading the optimal line off the jester handbook. But then including “/s” in every other line.

[Magnus]

I’ve set up a computer program that rerolls my class if I don’t like it.

[Mercenary]

hey THAT is cheating

[Magnus]

No it’s perfect. I can even set my class as something specific, even unique classes. So there can be 2 princes.
Not to mention, i can set other player’s classes.

[Magnus]

@Magnus Yagami

I’ll set things up so blue dragon will continue to mislynch over the next three weeks.
I’ll write my logbook with my left hand and do actions with my right.
I’ll take a potato chip… and EAT IT.

@Emilia @James read this.

[James]

The Eyes won’t do me any good if he’s not the real M!

[Magnus]

You can refer to me… as M.

[orangeandblack5]

We didn’t need more Strangle

Speaking of, where did they even go?

@Strangle

[Marcus_Doodalee]

He leff
An never came bacc

[orangeandblack5]

This wins

@JakeTheWolfie

Does the new community perks include access to the general category?

[Nerbins]

@Lightsin

Have you ever heard of the tragedy of Memesky the Wise? I thought not, it’s not a story the lowercase gang would tell you. It’s an uppercase legend. Memesky was an amazing lord of the uppercase gang, so powerful and so wise he could use the Memes to influence mid-chlorians to go in his favor… He had such a knowledge of the meme side that he could even topple the strongest no u’s. The uppercase side of the forum is a pathway to many abilities some consider unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was going offline, which eventually, he did. Unfortunately, he used all of his memes, and his former people that laughed at his jokes turned on him. Memesky never saw it coming. It’s Ironic, he could make people want to play but not himself… It isn’t possible to learn this power from a lowercase gang.

This will be the first official forum copypasta